Crash Into Me
by InMyAtmosphere
Summary: How long can you hide who you truely are? Spashley.
1. Prolouge

**A/N: Ok so this is my first ever attempt at actually writing a fanfiction story. I usually just read them. So bare with me as I figure out how this works. Also, I'm not sure how often I'll be able to post because my softball schedule is crazy (practice and games all week and practices on weekends), and there's this thing called school that is kinda important to me, even though I'm not sure why. But I'll def post every chance I get.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything because if I did then the show wouldn't end after the next season. ::mad face::**

**Just Friends- Jonas Brothers**

* * *

**Prologue**

**Just Friends**

I started noticing things change inside me when I met _her_. From the first time I saw her in my kindergarten class I knew that we would be friends. After a few years I noticed how close we had gotten and how she was the only one I ever wanted to spend time with. I didn't think anything of it until the day that I found out that girls could like other girls and not just boys. That's when I let myself have my more than friends feelings. As long as no one new then no one could get hurt right? Wrong. Every time she gets a new boyfriend or she hangs out with someone else it kills me, just to be away from her is almost too much to bare. I think she knows how I feel and I think that she feels it too. The way I look at her is different from how I look at anyone else, and somehow it doesn't feel wrong. Something in her brown eyes tells me that it's okay and that she feels the same.

Unlike right now, as she stands at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed and glaring daggers at me.

"Spencer! Does the word school mean anything to you?"

"I know, I know." I say running down the stairs.

"You still love me, right Ash?" I ask, with the classic Spencer Carlin puppy dog face.

She automatically softens at my question. But she catches herself and cracks a smile as she starts to walk out the door. She yells over her shoulder, "No! I hate you!" but she's laughing the whole time.

I run after her and fake being offended. "Whatever! You know you would be so bored without me."

"Yea, I guess it's a little more interesting with you around."

I have the biggest smile plastered on my face as we get into her car and drive to school.

**I know it's short, I had intended for it to be longer. It's a little slow right now but don't worry it will pick up soon.**

**Reviews and constructive critism welcome.**


	2. The Great Escape

**A/N: Ok so a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed my first chapter. Big confidence boost . So here is chapter2 ready for you to readand longer than the first (SCORE!). Enjoy!**

**The Great Escape- Boys Like Girls **

**Chapter 2**

**The Great Escape**

"Oh My God! Where is your camera?"

"Why? Do you see Big Foot?" I roll over in a fit of laughter at my own joke, but I'm the only one laughing.

"Seriously Spence! I need your camera. This view is amazing!"

I rarely ever see her this excited about anything so I'm instantly curious.

"Hold on a sec. I'm coming!" I yell sprinting up the hill; barely able to breathe as I reach where Ash is standing.

"Here." I say, panting as I thrust the camera at her. I lie down on the ground and take a swig of my water bottle.

"Took you long enough, slow-poke." She says, taking the camera, and as she puts it up to her eye, she immediately goes into full-on photographer mode. Adjusting the lens, turning the camera this way and that, and flipping all the buttons.

I can't help but laugh at the scene in front of me. Ashley turns around and looks quizzically at me.

"It's just that… you were…you really like taking pictures, don't you?" Hello Ms. Stutters A. Lot. Wow! What an idiot.

She smiles and looks out at the ocean. "It's like my "passion"… when you capture something on film, it's a moment in time that will last forever, a moment that no one can take away from you."

I stand up and walk towards her. "So… would you mind staying and watching the sunset?" I ask shyly.

"I was about to ask you the same thing," she says smiling.

"It'll cost you though," I tease her a little, "one picture of you."

She smiles brightly and walks to stand by the edge of the little cliff. I snap her picture and go to sit with her to watch the sunset.

Okay so we've been playing this game lately; we flirt but in a fun teasing way and I'm so confused. Like is it the "I like you" flirting or is it the friendly banter? These are confusing times my friends. I know that I like her but I really wish I knew how she felt.

* * *

A couple weeks have gone by since our sunset watching and Ashley has been acting really weird. Like she's distant and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. It's like we'll be goofing off, just being us, and when it seems like she's having fun she just zones out and disconnects. It's really bugging the crap out of me. 

And yet, here she is at my window.

"Oh come on, break the rules for once Spence."

"I don't want to get in trouble! If my mom catches me I'll be on lockdown," I yell from my bedroom window to the girl below.

"Don't worry so much! Everyone's asleep. They'll never even know that you're gone. Besides, I really need to talk to you."

"I don't know Ash. Are you sure I won't get caught?"

"Of course not, you're with me. Now get your butt down here!" She says smiling.

"Ok" I say, reluctantly crawling down the tree right outside my bedroom window.

As I reach the bottom I notice that she is staring at me. She looks really deep in thought, almost like she is trying to remember every little detail about me, and it kind of scares me.

"What are you looking at Ashley Nicole?" I ask, knowing that she hates it when you use her middle name.

She snaps out of her trance and grits her teeth. "Nothing…but I swear you were a monkey in a past life."

It's true I love to climb. I once belonged to a rock-climbing place but after I fell and broke my wrist two years go, I couldn't climb all that well anymore, so I stopped going.

I smile and look at her. "Now what was so important that I had to sneak out of my house for?" I ask.

Her face falls and her eyes drop to the ground, but she quickly recovers by smiling that award winning Ashley Davies smile. "Let's go to our spot," she suggests.

Now I know it's serious because we only ever go there to talk about the hard things and issues that we are dealing with.

**Yay for me for making it longer this time!**

**Reviews? Maybe? **

**::Bats eyelashes::**

**::Puppy dog face::**


	3. Take Me Away

**A/N: Ok so here is chapter 3. I'm not exactly sure where this is going from here but I think I have a pretty good idea of where I want it to go. Enjoy!**

**Take Me Away- Dear Jane (Chase Coy) **

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Take Me Away**

When we get our spot, she takes my hand and leads me to where we sat the day I took her picture. The sky looks exactly like it did that day.

As we sit down, she starts to fiddle with my hand and then she draws a deep breath.

"First of all, I need to tell you that…well you see…You're my best friend and we've been best friends forever and…" she struggles to find the right words and it's making me really nervous and uncomfortable. "I think I'm in love with you," she says in an almost inaudible whisper.

I begin to open my mouth to reply but she cuts me off. "But, I'm moving to New York and I don't know if I'll ever come back."

"…"

I think I just died. My heart imploded, I can't breathe, and maybe it's just me, but everything is spinning.

This was so not worth risking getting grounded.

* * *

She walks me home in complete silence. 

When we get to my house, she walks me to the door. She leans in to hug me and whispers in my ear, "I love you, and no matter how far apart we are you will always be right here." She takes my hand and places it over her heart.

I burst into tears and run into my house and up to my room. I dive onto my bed and sob for hours until I fall asleep.

I woke up to the sound of my cell phone; Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. It's Ashley. I don't know if I can talk to her right now, I'm so emotionally drained.

A couple minutes later I get a text, so I finally give up and reach for my cell. I flip it open and it reads:

**Spence- I tried to call u but I guess ur not up. I just wanted to tell u**

**that I'm leaving today 1:00 for NY… I'll Love You Always.**

**Ash**

I looked at my clock and it read 12:30.

_SHIT!_

I flew out of bed, threw some clothes on and went flying out my door. I'm actually surprised that I didn't fall down every single stair in my house.

I got to her house and saw the break lights of her dad's car at the stop sign at the end of the road.

I ran like I had never run before in my entire life. When I was a few feet away the break lights went off and the car was moving forward. Ashley was leaving. I kicked it into over-drive and then suddenly everything went black.

I opened my eyes to the brightest light I had ever seen before. My eyes suddenly come into focus and I see Ash above me.

"What happened," I mutter.

She laughs lightly. "Well, my dad started to turn but then stopped for another car to go by and then we heard a loud smack, which I'm assuming was you," she says trying not to laugh.

"Oh," is all I can manage as I sit up. Partly out of embarrassment and partly because my head is killing me. I stand up and smile a nervous smile. "I just wanted to say goodbye…and that…I love you too."

She is smiling from ear to ear as she wraps me in a long hug. A hug that says everything that we can't. This is the final goodbye and we both know it.

We both pull back as we hear her mom yell from the car, "Come on Ashley, we're going to miss our flight."

I walk her back to her car and she turns around to face me. "Until next time…" she says as a tear slides down her cheek. I reach up and wipe it away gently stroking the skin there. "I will be back for you, no matter what it takes," she says as we lock eyes for one last time.

She gets in the car and shuts the door. I step back and watch her drive away. As I walk home I am completely numb to the world.

No one can ever take her place in my heart. I will make sure of it. I will wait for her forever.

_Until the next time…_

**::Peeks out::**

**What do you think?**

**Reviews?**

**::Runs and hides::**


	4. Dance, Dance

**A/N: So here is Chapter 4, it takes place 2-3 years after Ashley left. I'm sorry about posting Chapter 1 as Chapter 1 and 2, I thought I was past embarassing myself by now but I guess not. And to answer one of my reviewers, I completely understand what you mean about my ending in Chapter 3. I felt the same way, like it was missing the emotional connection, but I hadn't really developed the connection yet and I think that at that point, Spencer hadn't either. But here is Chapter 4. Enjoy!**

**Dance, Dance- Fall Out Boy **

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Dance, Dance**

"Hey baby," he says sweetly.

"Hey honey." I smile when I see Cory approach me, as I get my books out of my car and prepare for yet another year at King High School. He walks over to me and bends down to give me a good morning kiss. I entwine our hands as we kiss, and then I hear someone clear their throat behind me. I turn around to see a smiling and unusually happy looking Chelsea. I immediately release Cory's hands as I squeal and envelop Chelsea in a bear hug.

"I haven't seen you in forever girl. What did you do all summer?" she asks me smiling.

"I know, I'm sorry we didn't get to hang out. I was busy like all summer. But I met this guy…" Cory begins to smile and pull me towards him. "Yeah, he's pretty cute, really funny, and extremely sweet."

Chelsea smiles in Cory's direction. "So what happened with you and this guy?"

"Oh, well we talked for awhile but he's just so annoying," I reply laughing as Cory acts offended.

"I'm just kidding," I say turning around to face him.

"Yeah, uh huh," he mumbles smiling.

I peck him on the lips and grab his hand as we start walking to class. "So, Chelsea this is Cory my boyfriend and Cory this is Chelsea my bestest friend." They both smile and say hi.

"Well this is my stop babe," Cory says stopping.

"Ok well I'll see you at lunch." I kiss him and give him a goodbye hug.

Chelsea and I continue walking to our first period class. When we get there we sit in two desks that are side-by-side. She sits her things down quickly and looks at me grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

"Spill…everything. How you met, where you met, please, I'm dying."

I laugh at how curious and incessant she is. She reminds me of a puppy begging to be held. So I told her how Cory and I had met at one of my brother's summer league basketball games and how we easily struck up a conversation, how we traded numbers and talked on the phone constantly until he finally got up the nerve to ask me out, how our first date was spent babysitting his little sister, and how for some reason it just didn't really feel right.

Just as Chelsea was about to reply, our teacher, Mr. Wallace stood up and began talking. "Good morning class and welcome to twelfth grade honors English. My name is Mr. Wallace and I will take you on the amazing journey known as English Literature. We will cover everything from Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet to Beowulf and the brilliant minds behind the stories. Now class, I will be giving out your textbooks. Please come up and get one when your name is called."

As he read through the list, everyone talked quietly about their summers. Chelsea and I fell into easy conversation about Cory. He really is a great guy, I just wish I could figure out why something doesn't feel right. I might have an idea about why but I won't even let myself think about that. I don't know, maybe it just takes time.

* * *

The first week of school flew by between new classes, new teachers, Cory, and Chelsea.

On Saturday I was hanging out with my family playing board games. Everyone hasn't been getting along so well lately and I'm grateful for this moment of peace. I'm in the kitchen getting everyone drinks when my cell phone goes off.

"Hello," I say sitting all the glasses down on the counter.

"Hey! So I was thinking that we should go dancing tonight."

I can almost hear Chelsea smiling on the other end of the phone, because she knows that I don't dance. "Um… sure, why not." I cannot believe I just agreed to go. I'm not sure why but there is something telling me that I should go.

"Oh my God! We are going to have so much fun! I can't believe it!" she squeals into the phone. "Ok so I'll come by to pick you up in an hour and you better look hot because we are going to find me a guy and I have to have a hot wing-chick."

I laugh at her remark. "Well I better go get ready then. See you later." I close the phone and lean on the counter. I love Chelsea. She is truly my best friend. Now how am I going to get my parents to let me go?

I walk into the living room with the drinks only to find that everyone is gone but my dad, who is currently sitting on the couch watching the news.

"Hey, where did everyone go," I ask sitting the drinks down.

He looks at me and counts everyone off on his fingers. "Your mom got an emergency call to the hospital, Glen is going to pick some Amber girl up, and Clay left with one of his friends."

I just look at him for a minute before I decide to ask him if I can go. "So is it ok if I go out too?"

"Sure, but with who and where?"

"It's going to be me and Chelsea and I think we are going to grab a bite to eat and I'll probably stay at he house for the rest of the weekend."

My dad is cool and all but the thought of alcohol and his innocent baby girl wouldn't go over so well.

"Ok, just make sure you get to school on Monday."

"Thanks dad! You are the best!" I say running up the stairs to get ready.

I hear Chelsea honk her horn just as I take my last look in my mirror. I look ok I guess. I'm wearing my favorite blue jean mini-skirt, my blue tank top that shows off my eyes, and my favorite earrings.

I run down the stairs and yell a goodbye to my dad as I head out the door. 

I got into Chelsea's car and was about to ask if it was ok to stay over when her eyes suddenly bug out.

"Damn girl! I know I said to look hot but how am I supposed to get a guy if they are all drooling over you!" She is dead serious and I'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment or not.

"I could walk behind you," I offer trying hard not to crack a smile but failing miserably.

"No, it's ok girl. You gotta work what you got." We both crack up at that one. As our laughter subsides we decide that we better get going. We pull up to this new club called Ego or something and before we get out we both do a quick mirror check. All good. So we walk by the bouncer and flash our fake id's, courtesy of Glenn. When we get inside I suddenly know what it feels like to be popular. I haven't seen so many people flock to me since that time I busted my nose in third grade. I turn and smile at Chelsea and she just frowns at all the attention I'm getting. I lean over to her, "I'll just tell them I'm gay or something. Hopefully they won't have any fantasies." I smile at the thought.

"That might actually work," she smiles.

So I told them I was gay and was waiting on my girlfriend and it worked for a while until they realized that I hadn't danced with anyone yet. 

"So where's your girlfriend?" one of the guys asked. Ryan. I think his name is Ryan.

I looked out at the dance floor, feeling panicked. I found a girl who didn't seem to be dancing with anyone. "Right there," I say hoping it would work. I got up and started walking towards the girl I had spotted. I couldn't really see her face but we locked eyes and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I turned my head to see Ryan watching me to make sure I wasn't lying. I turned back around to find that the girl was right in front of me. The dancing and gyrating bodies around were us pushing us ever closer. I leaned into her ear, "I know that this is going to sound really weird and that you don't know me, but would you pretend to be my girlfriend for a few minutes?"

Even as I asked the question I felt like a complete idiot. She just looked at me and smiled while she put her hands on my hips. I guess that's a yes. She answers my question by pulling me completely against her. _Can anyone remind me how to breathe? Or how to think? Or how to get your heart from beating out your chest and into your throat? Anyone? Please!_

As I slowly begin to breathe again I turn to see Ryan skulking away. Awww, I think I crushed his ego. I started to walk away to go find Chelsea and the guy she walked away with a couple of hours ago but the girls won't let go of my waste. I was about to freak out until I melted into a puddle on the floor after feeling her hot breath in my ear.

"I don't get at least one dance?" she asks.

"S-s-sure," I stutter out.

_What is wrong with me and why do I feel so nervous and excited. And over a girl. It reminds me of how I felt about…No! We are so not going there. Just one dance, then get Chelsea and leave._

She smiles at me and pulls me closer to her. _Again with the breathing! Really!_ She starts to move and grind into me while I just stand like a tree, rooted to the grounded. She stops and looks into my eyes. "Come on, loosen up and just feel the music and move." There is pleading tone in her voice that reminds me of a certain brown-eyed girls from my past.

I stood there a moment longer and let the music flow through me, and suddenly I busted out moves I didn't even know I had. I was moving this to the right and that to the left and dropping down to the floor.

How did this stranger get me to do something that Chelsea had tried to get me to do for two years. There is only one person I know of that could always get me to do anything. Suddenly I am overwhelmed by memories flooding over me like a tsunami. I've got to get out of here. I begin to walk away again when the girl grabs my wrist. Shocks are sent through my arm. _What is going on?_

"Thanks for the dance…" she says asking for my name.

"Spencer," I say. "My name is Spencer."

"Spencer…I knew a Spencer once," she says, seeming to be lost in thought.

Now I'm curious as to what her name is. So I reply, "Well thanks for helping me out…"

"Ashley," she says.

"Ashley…" I think I'm going to throw up. And now I'm running around to find Chelsea. I find her and drag her outside.

"Hey Chels, I think I'm going to walk back to your house."

"No, come on we'll go ahead and leave. It's getting late anyways."

The drive to Chelsea's was filled with our events of the night. Mostly hers, seeing as I don't want to talk about my night. When we get to her house I tell her that I'm not feeling well. So I go up to her room and throw myself onto her bed.

My mind is racing and my heart is pounding. So what, her name is Ashley. There are a million Ashley's in LA. Just forget about it, and that's just what I did as I fell into a peaceful sleep.

**:Waves white flag:**

**So what do you think? **

**Reviews?**

**:Smiles and quickly retreats:**


	5. Whoa

**A/N: So here is Chapter 5. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed thus far, your suggestions have impacted this chapter somewhat. Let me be the first to say that I LOVE SPRING BREAK! But I still have softball so I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. But here is Chapter 5, so Enjoy!**

**Whoa- Paramore**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Whoa**

Sunday at Chelsea's was pretty uneventful. We slept late and pretty much just hung out around her house all day. She was completely stunned when I told her that I had never seen The Notebook and she insisted that I absolutely had to watch it. So we went to a rental store and got it.

We are at Chelsea's right now watching it and I don't think I have been breathing ever since she pressed play. I can't believe they died! But it is absolutely the sweetest love story I have ever seen in my entire life.

"W-w-why can't I have a l-love like that?" I ask Chelsea between my sobs. What can I say I'm a softy.

"Don't worry girl, I'm sure you will."

"I think we should probably go ahead and go to bed"

"Yeah, you have to get your beauty rest for _Cory_."

I just smile at her and head up the stairs. That night I had a very confusing dream. Let's just say that it starred one brown haired, brown-eyed angel. I was a little freaked out, but it's just a dream, right?

* * *

The next morning when Chelsea and I got to school, Cory was waiting in the parking lot. So I got out of the car and ran up behind him before he turned around.

"Guess who," I said in the fakest voice that I could make as I covered his eyes.

He laughed and pretended to be thinking. "Hmmm, who is average height, has long blonde hair, and the most gorgeous blue eyes that I have ever seen? It wouldn't happen to be someone like that now would it?"

I uncover his eyes smiling. "Maybe," I say blushing. I lean in to give him a good morning kiss as Chelsea walks up.

"Uhhh. Do you guys ever stop being nauseating?"

I stare Cory in the eyes. "No, not really."

Chelsea just smiles and starts walking to first period. Cory and I follow and catch up with her.

"So did you girls have fun this weekend, without me?" He is just so darn cute, sweet, and funny. I wish I knew why I am stopping myself from fully letting him into my heart.

Thankfully Chelsea took charge and answered Cory's question while I was stuck in thought. "Yeah, we just hung out. You know, quality best friend time." Chelsea's voice snaps me out my daze and I just see Cory shaking his head in acknowledgment as we stop at his class.

"See you at lunch babe." He smiles and leans down to peck me on the lips.

Chelsea and I continue waking to English. "Well you two seem happy."

"Yeah, I guess" I say walking into English class and sitting my things down.

"Uh-oh girl. Spill it. What's up?"

I turn to face her but wait a second to make sure I know what I'm going to say.

"Well I am really happy and he is a great guy. It's just…" I trail off, trying to collect my thoughts. "I don't know why but there's a part of me that won't let him in completely. You know?"

"Yeah, totally. It's like you really like him but you don't want to get hurt."

"Yes! But I'm not sure why."

Mr. Wallace walks in and sits his things on his desk just as Chelsea was about to reply. "Good morning class! You may talk quietly amongst yourselves as I call the roll. Just be sure and say here when I call your name or you will be counted as absent. Ok…Sarah Anderson…"

Chelsea taps me on the shoulder as I am sending a text message to Cory. "I don't know girl. Just give it time I guess."

"Yeah, I guess."

"…Allison Brown…"

In an effort to start another conversation with Chelsea, I asked her what she was doing this weekend.

"Well I'm not sure. You think you could come to the movies with me maybe?"

"…Spencer Carlin…"

"Here!" I say before replying. "That sounds good. But can-"

"Yes Cory can come," Chelsea says knowingly. "Now I get to be the third wheel, again. As long as we are still on for our Movie Monday tonight."

"Yes we are still on. And I'm sorry if you feel like the third wheel all the time. If it makes you feel any better, you can be the front wheel," I say smiling widely.

"…Ashley Davies…"

Huh?

"…Ashley Davies…"

Great! Not only can I not get her off my mind lately but now I'm hearing her name. That's just awesome.

So after Mr. Wallace finally finishes taking role I turn on my I-pod as he writes all of the Shakespearean plays that we will study this year. I begin copying all of them down and then suddenly I can't feel my arm anymore. _What the hell! _There are tingles running up and down my whole arm. I turn my head and look at my shoulder where someone's hand is resting. I pause my I-pod and trail my eyes up their arm.

"Hi, could you move your stuff out of my seat?"

I know that voice.

I look into their face.

I can't breathe, my heart just stopped, and I'm pretty sure I'll be picking my jaw up off the floor later.

"Ashley…" I choke out.

"Spencer…"

I hear loud ringing in my ears and then everything went black.

* * *

I wonder what heaven looks like. Maybe it's something like the bright light that I just opened my eyes to. _Wow!_ Sitting up was not a good idea. As my eyes begin to clear and come into focus, I see someone with brown curly hair in front of me. They turn towards me as I begin to cough.

"Well hello there dear! I was wondering when you would come to." The woman smiles at me, obviously happy that I'm now conscious.

"Yea, ummm… what happened?" I ask scratching my throbbing head.

"It's kind of a funny story actually. You see there was a fire drill and apparently someone stood up and swung their purse or bag around and hit you square in the back of your head."

"Oh" is all I can manage due to my throbbing headache.

"Hold on just a moment sweetie and we can get you out of here and back to class," she says beaming at me.

"Ok," I say getting lost in my own thoughts. Didn't I see Ashley today? Ashley Davies? The girl who took my heart and still hasn't given it back. I think I finally figured out why things don't feel right with Cory. I have no heart to give him, to love him with.

**:Peeks out from behind blanket:**

**I'm not sure I like it. It didn't turn out like I had planned, but I guess we can blame that on my imagination. It usually does it's own thing while my common sense sits and watches in amazement.**

**Reviews? Maybe?**

**:Hides under blanket:**


	6. Realize

**A/N: Sorry if you think my chapters are short but that's how i write, in short spurts. Anyways I'm kind of sick right now so if there are any mistakes blame it on me constantly having to sneeze and cough or my need for sleep. But here is Chapter 6, Enjoy!**

**Realize- Colbie Caillat**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Realize**

The Nurse sent me back to class with an ice pack for my head. Great! Now I have to go my worst class with a killer headache. Well at least it's almost lunchtime. When I finally get to my science class, I open the door to find that everyone is gone. Wait! Did I miss something? Well everyone's stuff is here so I guess I'll just wait for them to get back, and maybe take a nap. I'm sure they just went to do an outdoor experiment or something.

I wake up to find that everyone is back, and staring at me. What, have they never seen someone sleep before? I turn to look at Chelsea and her eyes suddenly go wide.

"Spencer, you've got blood all over your face," she says calmly.

Blood! Please tell me she was kidding. I look down at my desk where my head was just laying. Ok! She wasn't kidding! I get up and start running to the bathroom. I'm at the very front of the room when I catch a pair of very familiar brown eyes staring back at me. As much as I don't want to, I jet out of the room and head to the bathroom.

I'm almost done cleaning myself up when I hear the door open.

"Spencer?"

My heart starts racing.

As Ashley steps around the corner she gives me a gentle smile.

"Are you ok?" She slowly steps towards me as if she is uncomfortable or nervous.

"Yeah, I'm good," I say wiping the last of the blood off my face.

"Ok. Well Mr. Falconer just sent me in here to check on you, so since you're okay… I'll just go" She slowly turns to leave.

"Don't."

Did I say that? Nope wasn't me. It must've been someone else because I have no idea what I'm going to say now. I don't know if I'm even ready for this conversation yet.

She turns and looks at me, waiting for me to say something. I wish I had thought that far ahead.

"How was New York?"

I am officially an idiot! It's not like she just went on vacation, she was gone for two years!

"Well it was a lot colder than here and there aren't any beaches anywhere. And… I didn't have my best friend there either."

"Yea…" Really?! Are you incapable of making full sentences?

We both stand in there in awkward silence for about a full five minutes until she takes a couple steps towards me.

"Please look at me Spencer."

Oh was I staring at the floor? Well it is kind of distracting because it's white and the tiles are square… and they're white! Ok so maybe I am avoiding eye contact, but it's only because her eyes have magical powers over me. I'm serious! She can get me to do almost anything with those eyes of hers. When I finally do look at her she is right in front of me. Wow! I know my face just flushed because I can feel the sudden heat.

"Now I know a lot has happened since I left but not a day has gone by that I don't think about you, miss you."

I really hope this isn't going where I think it is.

"Do you remember what I told you before I left?"

Yeah, this is definitely happening.

"Of course, how could I forget? You dropped the bomb and didn't stick around to see the explosion!" Let's just say that a _wee _bit bitter.

"I know Spence and I'm sorry. But you should know that my feelings haven't changed."

I so can't deal with this right now.

"Well I have a boyfriend who I'm meeting for lunch, so I'll see you around." And with that, I'm gone.

I can't believe her! Two years of nothing and now she's back and expects everything to go back to the way it was. But why is it that I just wanted to hold her the whole time she was talking. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

* * *

"Hey you."

I love having the same lunch period as Cory. I smile and blush at his cheesy grin.

"Hey yourself."

I walk to him and just throw my arms around him. He seems confused at first, but soon his big strong arms are around me. I feel so safe when he holds me and he really is one of my best friends. But that's it. Friend. Here in lies why I feel so guilty for staying with him. But is it wrong for me to want to be loved, cared for, and safe when I know I can't give him my heart in return? I already know the answer to that question but I just hold on to him tighter as I feel tears threatening to fall. When I finally pull away he looks at me with a questioning expression.

"What was that for?"

"What? I can't just hug my boyfriend?"

Sometimes I wish he couldn't read me so easily.

"Well…I just thought…" He just laughs and shakes his head. "Of course you can hug your boyfriend. You know what else you can do?" He beams at me as he leans down. Right before our lips touched I saw Ashley sitting at a table by herself. She was staring me straight in the eyes. So I turned my head and gave Cory my cheek to kiss. He looked a little taken aback but I stretched up and whispered in his ear, "We have a date tonight remember? We can _talk _about this then."

I step back and move into the lunch line while Cory laces our hands together. As we near the end of the line I look to make sure that our regular table is open. I see Chelsea is there so I pay for my food and start weaving through all the different people. When I'm almost at the table I turn around to make sure I haven't lost Cory but he's right behind me so I turn back to sit down and almost drop my tray. Ashley is sitting right in front of me talking to Chelsea. I sit down cautiously, trying not to give away the fact that I once again can't breathe. Chelsea turns to face me.

"Hey! How is your nose?"

"It's ok, just a nosebleed."

Cory turns towards me looking all concerned.

"When did you get a nosebleed?"

"Right before lunch. It wasn't that bad."

He just nods his head and starts to squirt out his ketchup.

"Oh yeah!" Chelsea chimes in, "Hey, uh this is Ashley. Ashley this is Cory and Spencer." Chelsea loves introducing people to new people.

Cory throws up his hand a bit as I just sit there. Chelsea throws me a look. Her eyes are asking me why I'm acting weird.

"We already know each other," I smile towards Ashley, thinking about how ironic this is.

"Yeah. We were best friends a couple years ago." Ashley stares me in the eyes as she speaks.

Well I'm not hungry anymore.

"Well I invited her to our movie night tonight," Chelsea says excitedly.

Cory looks at me with a blank face. _Oops! _I promised him a date. I hope he doesn't get mad if I postpone it.

"You did remember, right Spencer?" _Crap! _Our Movie Mondays are a new thing so that makes it ok that I forgot, right?

"Yea, of course we remembered, but can we pick out the movies right after school?"

Cory gives me a "what the hell" look and I just give him a "we'll talk about this later" look.

He continues eating as I scoot over and take one of his hands to play with. Chelsea just smiles while I trace my finger all over his hand until I just lace our fingers. Ashley on the other hand is forcing herself to look anywhere but at me. Chelsea glances over her shoulder at the clock.

"Ok girls, we gotta go. See you after school Cory."

"It was nice meeting you," Ashley says while standing up.

"We will talk later okay?" I ask.

"Ok."

I give him a peck on the lips and go to join a waiting Chelsea and Ashley. The walk back to class is silent and I say few words for the rest of school.

I'm in the parking lot leaning up against Cory's truck waiting for him when Ashley walks up to me.

"Spencer, when are we going to talk?"

Not now.

"I don't know Ashley, I…we'll talk tonight, ok?"

"Ok." She smiles and my heart is a puddle on the ground.

"Ok what?" Cory asks walking over with Chelsea.

Ok I can pick out a chick flick to watch tonight." _Wow! _I hope he bought that. It was the best thing I could come up with on the spot.

"Fine, but I'm picking a scary one," Cory says as a matter of factly.

"Oh, I got dibs on the action movie," Chelsea chimes in.

"So I guess I have comedy?" Ashley says.

"Sweet, so we will meet you at the movie store," Cory says getting into his truck as Chelsea gets into her car, followed by Ashley.

We all pick out our own movies without showing anyone else. We decide to go to my house and when we get there no one is home so we just put our movies on the table. So we have The Notebook, The Benchwarmers, Pulse, and Ocean's Thirteen.

First up is The Benchwarmers. We all pick our own seating arrangement as Chelsea claims the lazyboy with the footstool and (in order) on the couch it is Ashley, me, and Cory.

So about six hours later we have watched The Benchwarmers, Ocean's Thirteen, and Pulse. We are all taking a break right now. Cory and Chelsea are getting something to eat, Ashley is in the bathroom, and I'm in my room thinking when I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in."

Oh God, it's Ashley. I really don't want to talk right now.

She walks over and sits on my bed. "You said we would talk."

"Yeah…" I probably should have been thinking about what to say.

"Have you thought about what I said earlier?" she asks, moving closer to me.

"Yeah I have…"

"And…" she says trying to push me for a better answer.

"I don't know Ashley. I just…I don't know."

"It's simple. Do you still love me?" Oh if only it was that simple.

"I have a boyfriend and I don't think-"

"She cuts me off, "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me anymore."

I look her square in the eye and I can see the pleading in them. I can also see that she is scared. Scared of rejection and of being alone. Now I see the sadness in her eyes as she stands up and turns to the door.

"Dammit Ashley!" I say as I launch myself at her and my lips crash against hers. My hands go straight to her cheeks and hers find the small of my back. After a few minutes of frenzied kisses I pull back from lack of breath. We both smile at each other.

I hear a plate crash downstairs which brings me back to reality. The reality where my boyfriend and best friend are both downstairs. The reality where Spencer Carlin is the perfect daughter, with the perfect boyfriend, the perfect grades, and the perfect personality. The reality where it isn't an option to be with a girl, where there is no such thing as being gay. I am overwhelmed with emotion as I back out of Ashley's grasp and put my head in my hands. I start pacing back and forth.

"Spencer what's wrong?" Ashley asks.

"I-I have a boyfriend. I can't do this."

I run downstairs to see Cory and Chelsea cleaning up pieces of glass off the ground.

"Babe, it was an accident," Cory blurts out.

Chelsea laughs, "Yeah Mr. Cool was trying to roll the plate across his arms. You know, like how you do with a basketball?"

I give a small smile as I hear Ashley coming down the stairs.

"Hey Chelsea, do you think you could give me a ride home? My mom says she has to talk to me about something."

"Yeah sure thing Ash. Why don't we go ahead and leave."

"Ok," Ashley says sliding a note into my hand before leaving.

I slide the note into my pocket. Cory walks over and wraps his arms around my waist. "So it looks like it's just you and me." He gives me a sly smile before frowning. "Are you ok? You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm ok just a little tired."

"Ok, well I'm gonna go then so you can get your rest," he says sounding irritated. He roughly pecks me in the lips and grabs his coat off the back of the couch on his way out.

I walk up the stairs to my room. I take the note Ashley gave me and sit it on my desk as I change into my pajamas. After I've changed and my teeth are brushed I turn off the light and lay on my bed. My mind is racing when suddenly the answer I've been searching for comes to me, clear as day. And I can finally admit to myself that I am still in love with Ashley Davies.

But what about Cory?

**:Coughs, sniffles:**

**What do you think? Should I just crawl into my bed and sleep away the flu and rewrite this later?**

**Reviews? Maybe?**

**:Sniffles, falls asleep:**


	7. AN

**A/N: I am so so so sorry that I haven't posted in forever and I'm sorry for only posting an author's note this time, but my internet decided to take an extended spring break. I have the worst internet; it hasn't been working for like a week and a half. Somebody is supposed to come look at my computer but they haven't called yet. I'm started to get a little irritated and I am going through computer withdrawal syndrome. The only way I could even put this author's note out was to beg my mom to let me borrow her computer and internet card from her work. But I promise the best chapter ever when my internet actually decides to work again. But for now let me know your suggestions for the next chapter, what do you want to see happen? I might be able to take those into account and work them into my storyline. I've already started writing the next chapter; I just can't post it yet. Again, I'm so sorry about my crappy internet but the next chapter will hopefully be up soon. Thanks!**


	8. Be My Escape

**A/N: Hey guys! So it has been an extremely long time since I posted my last chapter and I am really sorry about that. Between my internet being down and my softball schedule, I barely had time to take a breath. But here is Chapter 7, which I tried to make longer than normal to make up for my lack of posting. So enjoy!**

**Be My Escape- Relient K**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Be My Escape**

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!!

Smack!

"OW!" I scream as I grab my hand in pain.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!!

"Shut-up!" I yell jerking my alarm clock out of the wall.

I reluctantly get out of bed and walk into the bathroom to throw some water on my face and brush my teeth. I walk out of my bathroom breathing through my newly brushed teeth. I lay out my really cute, but short skirt and my new black tank top. I change quickly and rush to do my make-up.

"Spencer! You've got 5 minutes!" Glen yells up the stairs.

"Ok! I'm almost done," I say running to the bathroom and throwing my hair into a messy bun. I slide on my rainbows as I grab my backpack and Ashley's note from the night before as I jog downstairs just in time to see Glen walk out the door. I slide the note into my back pocket and walk to the car. My brother and I ride to school in silence because neither of us is much of a morning person.

As we pull into the parking lot I see Cory leaning against the railing, waiting for me. I take a deep breath not sure whether he is still mad at me or not. I get out of the car and walk to him.

"Hey," I say nervously.

"Hey, look I know I've been getting upset a lot lately and I'm sorry. I just feel like sometimes you don't really want to be with me." I open my mouth to reply but he stops me. "I just want you to know that I'm not trying to pressure you into anything that you don't want. Like when I want to be alone with you, it's not to do anything, I just need to be with you sometimes, without all the distractions. I… I love you and I hate to think that this isn't what you want."

I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, as I stand there completely speechless. I feel so guilty but so incredibly touched at the same time. It's not long before I can feel the tears sliding down my face.

"Baby, what wrong?" Cory asks, wiping away my tears and stroking my cheek.

"It's just…" sniffle "That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Well I meant every word," he says pulling me in for a hug. I hold onto him tightly until the tears stop flowing. I pull away from him and sniffle and wipe my eyes.

"You probably think I'm a big baby now, huh?" I ask laughing lightly.

He smiles. "Well you are my baby, but no, you are just a very caring and sensitive person. It's just one of the many things I love about you."

I smile and lean up to kiss him as Chelsea and Ashley walk up.

"Good morning lovebirds," Chelsea says smiling.

Ashley just looks at me and quickly down to the ground as we all start walking to class.

I almost want to cry again. I have never been so confused in my life. I mean Ashley brings out the kid in me, where it's ok to play in the mud, and it's ok for me to be bold when I'm with her because I know that if I ever mess up then she will be there no matter what. But now I think I'm starting to have strong feelings for Cory. He brings out my shy but funny side. He loves sports like I do and we are both extremely competitive. But despite how much he picks on me and makes me laugh, I know that he truly cares and he would do anything for me. I care deeply for both of them and I can be myself around both of them but at the same time I feel like I'm two different people. I kind of feel like Cory is just a security blanket, keeping me safe from the world around me. But when I'm with Ashley I feel completely alive, like I'm invincible even as I face the danger of the world head on. But then again my blanket is really warm and the world is very cold. But if Ashley is by my side then would the coldness of the world matter?

I ponder this question as we all reach Cory's class. Cory and I step to the door while Ashley and Chelsea wait.

"I'll see you at lunch baby. I love you."

Ashley quickly cuts her eyes at me, making me want to crawl into a hole and hide.

"See you then," I say giving him a kiss. As I try to pull away, he grabs my waist and makes the kiss last a few seconds longer.

I smile at him as he smiles and winks at me while I walk away. As Ashley, Chelsea, and myself continue walking to class I can feel the tension coming from Ashley.

Chelsea playfully pushes me. "So he dropped the big L word. Aww, Spencer, you guys are so unbelievably adorable," she gushes.

"Yeah," I blush "But I haven't said anything back yet." I look at Ashley when I say this but she seems very content with staring at the ground.

"Why not girl? That boy is pretty much the perfect boyfriend. He's funny, cute, hot, smart, sweet, sporty, and he really cares about you. You guys are exactly the same except you're the girl version and he's the guy version. So what are you waiting for?"

I walk into English and sit my things down. What am I waiting for? What have I always been waiting for? Or should I say whom? All these questions lead to the same answer. Ashley. The girls who drives me crazy, the girls who makes my heart race when she's near, the girls who challenges me, the girl who pushes me to do new things, the girl who is my complete opposite and yet we fit so perfectly. She keeps me on my feet and guessing and I'm always two steps behind. I love that she's challenging and never let's me miss out on anything.

I suddenly remember her note. I reach into my back pocket and my heart drops into my stomach. It's not there. I reach into my other back pocket; it's not there either. I frantically search my pocketbook and backpack. I take a deep breath and try and think about where I might have lost it. Let's see, I put it in my pocket and went straight to Glenn's car. Glenn's car! I'll be sure and check there right after school. After I get done with my freak-out, I decide to tune into what Mr. Wallace is saying.

"…So if you will all get into groups of two or three then we can get started."

Chelsea and I immediately look to each other while Ashley just continues staring at her desk.

"Hey Ashley," Chelsea says, trying to get her attention. "You want to work with us?"

She looks like she's going through a very heated internal debate, looking from me to Chelsea to everyone else to her desk and back to Chelsea. She takes a deep breath and moves her desk over to mine and Chelsea's, making a triangle. She looks really uncomfortable and disconnected. I wish I could make it better. Take everything back. Start all over. But unfortunately that's not how life works, and all I can do is sit here and think of something, anything, to say.

"Ok class, now I'm going to assign each group a famous English author and I want each member of the group to pick one of his or her stories and analyze it. Interpret the story, what does it mean to you? Also tell how and why you think the author felt compelled to tell the story the way they did. Now I'm going to come around and assign you an author."

As Mr. Wallace walks around giving out authors Chelsea looks to me and mouths "What's wrong with Ashley?" I just shrug my shoulders and feel a lump growing in my throat from guilt.

Mr. Wallace comes around to our group. "You guys have William Shakespeare. Now remember, I want each of you to pick a different story but you can help each other and write your papers together. Just make sure that you separate your group's collaborative opinion and your own. Good luck." He smiles and walks back to the front of the class. "Theses reports will be due by Friday; Monday at the latest. Now, you will present your reviews in front of the class and not only I, but the class will be grading you as well. Also, there will be a few minutes where students will ask you questions; why you chose that story, why you have your opinion, etc. Does everyone understand the assignment? Ok, well we are going to the computer lab for the rest of class so you can research your author and choose your stories."

Everyone gets up and files out of class and towards the computer lab. Ashley and I are the last ones left in the room and just as she is about to walk out I grab her wrist. She stops and slowly turns to face me, giving me a very cold look.

"Ashley I-"

"Don't! Just-just don't," she says, sounding defeated.

I let go of her wrist and watch her walk away. I don't know what to do. I feel completely lost and broken with no one to show me which way to go. I feel I single tear slide down my cheek as I step out of the room. I make sure to wipe my eye before stepping into the computer lab.

An hour and a half later it's time for second period. After doing our research, it was decided that I would have Hamlet, Chelsea would have The Merchant of Venice, and Ashley would have Romeo and Juliet. I walk into P.E. and just sit my stuff down and take out my research. I worked on my report the entire period.

During third period, chemistry, we just worked on a packet. But I had only gotten the first page done by lunchtime. Maybe it's because I watched Ashley for most of the time. She really is good at this stuff because she was done in about 20 minutes. I also noticed that she does this really cute thing where she bites her lip and twirls her hair if she's thinking really hard.

When I get to lunch Cory is waiting for me.

"Hey beautiful," he says.

"Hello sexy," I say jokingly.

"I have a surprise for you, but you'll have to wait until tonight. Is it ok to come over at about 7:00?"

I think about it for a minute. It is **really** hard for me to act like I'm even remotely happy right now but I still want to spend time with Cory. Like I said, he's one of my best friends.

"Ok yea, that'll be fine."

He smiles and walks to the lunch line while I go and join Chelsea and Ashley at our table.

"Hey girl. Aren't you hungry?" Chelsea asks.

"No, not really," I sigh, looking quickly to Ashley and away. Cory comes over and there is small talk for the rest of lunch.

After school I head straight to Glenn's car and look everywhere for Ashley's note. After a solid five minutes I give up the search and sit in the passenger's seat, determined to just forget about it. I hear the door open and look over to see a pissed looking Glenn. I decide not to ask about it because I'd rather not have to deal with his problems too. When we get home I start working on my chemistry homework. After about an hour I take a break and just rest my head in my hands. Just then I hear my door fly open and slam shut. I shoot up in the air to find a disheveled looking Ashley.

"Why are you toying with me?! Do you get off by emotionally destroying people?! How can you make out with me and then go and tell Cory you love him?! What are you so afraid of?! Why can't I breathe when I'm away from you?! Why is it that you're like a drug to me?!" She is panting by the end of her tirade.

She takes a deep breath. "Why can't you just love me?" She begins to cry.

I take a step towards her and reach out to her, but she bats my hands away.

"You can't break my heart and comfort me too," she says through her tears.

I continue walking towards her as she continues stepping backwards until her back is against the wall. She tries to push me away but I grab her wrists and pin them to her sides. She starts to calm down and I reach my hand up and start to wipe away her tears.

"I do love you Ashley. But I'm scared. I'm scared of what my family would think, I'm scared of what my friends would think, and I'm scared of being rejected because of who I am and who I love."

She sniffles and laces our fingers. "Well for now, no one has to know. I just need to be with you."

I smile, loving the butterflies in my stomach.

I lean in to kiss her, which quickly leads to me pinning her hands above her head as I nip and suck along her neck. Which leads to her pushing onto my bed as our tongues connect and is in my hair as the other roams up and down my side.

"So…are we…together now?" she asks between kisses.

"Yes…but I can't…break up with Cory yet," I say, nibbling on her ear.

I hear her mumble a content "mkay" as she flips me over and begins sucking on my pulse point. Just before we start shedding clothing I hear feet on the steps.

"Hey Spencer! Where are you?"

My eyes go wide and my chest constricts.

I forgot Cory was coming over.

_Oh Shit!_

**:Grins shyly while holding teddy bear:**

**What do you think? I kinda think this chapter was the easiest for me to write thus far. If you have any ideas now is the time to let me know, before I start writing the next chapter. Because once I start writing I have total tunnel vision.**

**Reviews? Maybe?**

**:Walks away, dragging teddy bear along:**


	9. Let Go

**A/N: The end is near! Not of the world, of this story. Maybe one or two more chapters to wrap it up. I've got an idea for another story and it's eating away at my imagination, so look for a new story soon. Anywho, here is the new chapter. Enjoy!**

**Let Go- Red**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Let Go**

Ashley, being a quicker thinker than I am, falls off the bed and quickly jumps into the closet.

Meanwhile I'm still frozen on my bed.

"Act normal," Ashley hisses.

I quickly grab my book and pretend to be studying just as Cory opens my door. I look up at him and force a smile. He smiles back and walks towards me with his left hand behind his back.

"So you remember I said I had a surprise, right?" he asks.

I laugh at how ironic that question is. How he is bringing a surprise and he ended up surprising me just by showing up.

"Of course," I say still laughing.

He cocks his eyebrow up. "Did I miss something? What's so funny?"

I take a deep breath. "Nothing. Please continue."

"Ok," he says looking confused. Then his eyes light up again. "Anyways, close your eyes."

I look at him for a second but move my book out of my lap and close my eyes. I hear him open a box and then I hear a small gasp from the closet, I don't think he noticed as he picks up my left hand and lightly kisses the back of it. He then slides a cold ring onto my ring finger.

"Open your eyes," he exclaims.

"Oh my God! It's so beautiful!" I squeal.

"And it fits perfectly," he beams.

I stare at it and twist it around my finger. I marvel at the three beautiful diamonds embedded into the silver band.

"These are promise rings," he says, lifting his left hand and showing me his plain silver banded one. "They are to show that I'm serious about this, about us. And to show that I don't plan on having sex unless we are married. Not that I'm talking at all about getting married. I just want you to know that this is more than just a physical thing for me. It's so much more than that."

I can hear the sincerity in his voice and it kills me knowing that this relationship probably won't end well. Knowing that my heart already belongs to Ashley. Knowing that this cross roads that I am at will lead me down two completely different paths. Knowing that there are no take backs, redo's, or u-turns. No way to change the route I take. Even though I already know the path I will choose, it doesn't make this any easier, it doesn't make me any less scared. I'm still torn between who I should be and who I want to be. The woman who marries a man and has two kids or the woman who marries the girl that she is in love with. I already know what I have to do. I have to break up with Cory. But not now. Not right here in this perfect moment. I want to hold onto this memory for all of the rough times that I know will come. I want to make him the happiest I possibly can, because this very well might be one of my last chances. I hope Ashley can understand and won't get upset at my next few actions and words.

I throw my arms around his neck and hold onto him for a few minutes and then pull back.

"Thank you so much baby," I say in the sincerest voice I can muster. "I could not possibly ask for a better boyfriend or friend. You are amazing and you leave me speechless in every little thing you do for me."

I wrap my arms around his neck and stare into his big brown eyes as he wraps his arms around my waist. I can't help but compare his eyes to Ashley's. How hers are so indescribable and his are just there. They are sweet and warm but Ashley's just seem so much deeper.

"I love you," I say as plainly as I can.

"I love you too," he says giving me the softest of kisses.

He then reaches to the back of his neck and unwraps my hands, taking them instead in front of us and entwining or fingers.

"So do you want to hang out for a little while?" he asks.

I glance at my closet and think about just saying no and explaining to Ashley what just happened and why I said those things. But I don't have the heart to say no to him.

"Sure," I grin.

About two hours later Cory is backing out of the driveway. I sprint up the stairs by twos and by the time I reach my door, Ashley is barging out of it.

"Ashley, wait! Just wait a second! I can explain!" I yell, chasing her down the stairs and out into the driveway.

She slowly turns around and I can see the tears streaming down her face.

"I can't play this game Spencer. I can't act like I don't care and look the other way. Either you want me or you want him. Let me know when you make up your mind!" And with that she's gone and I can feel the tears falling freely.

I don't know how long I sat in my driveway crying but by the time I dragged myself back to my room both my parents were in bed, separate beds. Some things will never change. I throw myself on my bed and begin staring at the ceiling, until I hear a knock at my door. I don't even have the energy to say 'come in' so I simply grunt. The door opens slowly and I see a nervous and worried looking Glen.

"I need to talk to you about something," he says in a tone I've never heard him use before. He walks over and sits on my bed as I sit up and rest my back against the headboard. "It's about this," he says tossing a folded piece of paper onto my lap.

"What is it?" I ask in honest clueless ness.

"Just read it," he replies plainly.

I pick up the paper and begin unfolding it.

Dear Spencer,

I love you. Plain and simple. Ever since the first time I met you, I knew you were special and different from everyone else. Everything about you is so intoxicating and I never want my time with you to end. Your eyes are never ending pools of blue that touches my soul with the simplest glance. You hair is a beautiful ray of the sun that cascades around your face, enhancing your timeless beauty. Your laughter warms my heart and makes every fiber in my being tingle with your joy and your happiness. And to know that I can be the one who makes you laugh makes my heart soar. Your touch stops the world from turning, the wind from blowing, and my heart from beating. Your touch calms my every nerve, seizes my very thought, and breaks through my soul. But your smile, oh your smile, your smile could calm raging waters, it could stop any war, and bring anyone to tears. Your smile makes my knees go weak, my heart race, and my mind go numb. Spencer, I love you with everything that I have and everything that I am. My heart shattered when you walked out on me tonight. I know that we would have a hard road ahead of us and I know that you are scared, but whether or not you choose to take that road is up to you. Just know that you do and always will have my heart.

Love Always,

Ashley

As I finish reading, the note falls from my hands and I just sit on my bed completely speechless, completely dumbstruck as my jaw falls open slightly open.

"Spencer."

I blink.

"Spencer."

I feel a gentle hand settle on my arm, and with that simple touch I shatter. The tears that have been kept in for two years fall without resistance. And Glen is still here. Not yelling, not interrogating me, simply comforting me with both of his arms wrapped around me, his thumb lightly rubbing my arm. My head is on his shoulder for what seems like hours, but he never moves. He just waits patiently for me to get it out of my system.

I have never been this open or vulnerable with my brother before. I was always trying to be cool and act tough because that's what he is. But this moment is needed by both of us, to show that it is okay to be like this and that I can trust him and he can trust me.

After one final sniffle I pull away from him and take in the appearance of his now soggy shirt.

"I'm sorry about your shirt," I barely choke out.

"It's okay," he replies. "Besides, girls like a guy who can be sensitive, right?" His attempt to lighten the mood fails miserably.

I simply offer him a warm smile, glad that he at least tried. I start wiping my eyes as we sit there in silence. I look him in the eyes, feeling helpless and scared of what he might say.

"Spence…"

My eyes drop to my mattress as soon as he says my name.

"Spencer, I was really mad when I first found this letter. How could my sister be gay? How could this happen? But as I thought is over, I realized that it's not about me, it's about you. Then I started thinking about how you two had been and the way Ashley looks at you and how your voice changes when talk about her. I thought of all those things and realized that something like that could never be wrong. Spencer, I want you to know that I don't care what you are or what other people think you are, because you are my sister and nothing can ever change that." As I finally look him in the eyes I can see the love and honesty in them. "Never be afraid to be who you are," he finishes.

"I love you Glen," I say enveloping him in a hug.

"I love you too Spencer…But don't ever tell anyone I said that," he says laughing as he walks out of my room.

I go to sleep with my mind swirling with so many thoughts that I want to scream.

* * *

The next day, I purposely get to school late so I can avoid what I inevitably have to do to Cory.

There is no one left in the parking lot as Glen parks his car.

"Thanks Glen," I say while grabbing my bag.

"Sure," he says over his shoulder.

I make sure to go to the office and get my tardy slip and then head to English. On my way to class I twist my promise ring around my finger. As I open the door I see Ashley standing up at the front of the class.

"Well hello Miss Carlin," Mr. Wallace says cheerily.

I walk over and give him my tardy slip. I then walk over to my desk and give Chelsea my best 'what is going on' face. She leans over to answer me as I hear Ashley start talking.

"Ashley decided to do her project by herself and go ahead and present it and Mr. Wallace, loving students who 'take the initiative', gave us a speech as to how we should as take Ashley as an example. You already missed half of the presentation."

Chelsea leans back over to her own desk and listens attentively to Ashley, so I decide to do the same.

"…So after waking up to find Romeo dead, Juliet plunges a dagger through her own heart, killing herself. Now I know that there have been a million different interpretations of this play but I like to think that I have somewhat of a different view. What starts out as an innocent crush soon turns into one of the purest love stories that has ever been told." Ashley then shifts her eyes solely to me. "Even though their families hated each other and they were scared, they knew that their love could endure anything. And though they might have been thought of by others to be entirely too young and that they couldn't possibly understand true love, but they knew otherwise. Romeo and Juliet were willing to do anything for the love that they knew was absolutely right and true. They took their own lives because of the loss of the other. Even though they both died, I believe that their love even conquered death itself. They showed that love truly does conquer all. The love they shared conquered death by living on to inspire the world. Some say that love at that young of an age was fake and only seemed real because it was written by a man of an older age. I think differently. I think that William Shakespeare was compelled to write this story because he truly believed that love is blind and unseen by everything except for the two who share it. In closing, I would only like to say one more thing about love. Others cannot taint love, not true love. Love cannot be chosen on command. Love is free-falling from the sky and never wanting a parachute. Love is never wanting to sleep because reality is better than your dreams."

After a long pause she takes a deep breath and starts walking towards me. She stops in front of me and stares me directly in the eyes.

"Love can be forced out of the mind but is never forgotten by the heart."

She stares me in the eyes for a few more seconds then turns towards Mr. Wallace and smiles.

"Ok, I'm done. Any questions?" She looks around the room but I'm pretty sure everyone is equally stunned by her honest presentation.

The silence is broken as Mr. Wallace stands up and starts clapping and as if on cue the rest of the class rises- myself included- and starts clapping.

After a few minutes of the standing ovation the class dies back down and Mr. Wallace begins speaking.

"Ashley Davies, that is quite possibly the best report I have ever heard. You had such an understanding and conviction that it's almost unbelievable. You completely made it your own and it showed. Bravo, bravo," he says as he begins clapping again, this time alone.

Ashley simply returns to her seat, beaming.

As the day progresses on I find my self at lunch. I see Cory waiting for me as usual.

"Where were you this morning?" he asks me.

"You know how Glen is, when he is doing something everything else can wait," I reply.

He just smiles and takes my hand, leading me to the lunch line.

I gently pull out of his grasp. "Actually, I'm not that hungry," I say.

"Ok," he says blankly, continuing walking.

I head over to our table and see Ashley and Chelsea sitting across from each other. I take a deep breath and walk straight to where Ashley is sitting and sit down right beside her. Silence falls over the table. The awkward silence is broken when Cory joins the table and begins joking with Chelsea. In the midst of their bickering, I slide my hand under the table and lay it gently on Ashley's knee. I can see her eyes go wide for a split second but a few seconds later I feel her fingers slowly slide their way on top of my hand. Then one of her fingers brushes across my promise ring and she jerks her hand back as if she had been electrocuted. She stands up and starts talking really fast.

"You know what guys? I don't feel so good. I think I'm gonna go home. See you later." And without waiting for a response she jets away.

"What's wrong with her?" Cory asks through a mouthful of vegetable soup.

I simply shrug my shoulders, feeling completely guilt ridden.

The rest of the day went by in a black and white blur.

As I lean against Glen's car waiting to go home, I think about what to do next. Then, as if God himself had sent me a sign, Cory comes over to me and I immediately know what comes next.

As he opens his mouth to speak I cut him off.

"We need to talk."

**:Peeks out from behind keyboard:**

**What do you think? We need to talk are seriously the four most dreaded words to anyone in a relationship. This one was a little harder for me to write because I suffered from a major case of writer's block. It was horrible not knowing what exactly what to do about the love triangle going on between Spencer, Cory, and Ashley. Also, I have this new story brewing up in my mind and that is taking a lot away from me being able to concentrate on this story, because my new story idea is going to be kind of loosely based on my life...I think. Well that's about all. Thanks!**

**Reviews?**

**:Throws keyboard down and hides under desk:**


	10. Born For This

**AN: Sorry guys but this is the last chapter. My life just got VERY busy and stressful so I've decided to go ahead and end this story. Because this is the last chapter, I have really tried to put everything I have into it so it might be crap and if you think it is then I am sincerely sorry. I will be starting a new story soon so be on the look out for that. It will be pretty much a softball story, but there will be PLENTY of Spashley. So for the last time, here is the chapter. Enjoy!**

**WARNING: This does have a sex scene in it so if you are uncomfortable with it you can just stop when you get to it and then skip to the very bottom. I tried not to make it too bad, it's actually kind of plain. But I thought it was really needed to end this story. For the record I am really uncomfortable with writing sex scenes and this is actually my first one so please don't hate me.**

**Born For This-Paramore**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**Born For This**

6 Months Later…

I awake feeling very dazed and confused. As my eyes fully come into focus, I see baize carpet. I lift up my head and turn to see a shirtless Cory on a couch with his promise ring on a chain around his neck. I quickly check myself and find that I am clad in only a thong and a bra.

_SHIT! Shit shit shit! What the hell happened?!_

I immediately shoot straight up, which was a bad idea considering the splitting headache I just received. I then look around and realize that I have absolutely no idea where I am or how I got here.

Just as I am about to completely freak out Ashley walks in carrying a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin.

She smiles at my obvious state of confusion.

"Good morning Miss 'I don't get drunk'."

She hands me the glass of water and two pills.

"I thought you might need these when you woke up."

She walks over to sit in a leather chair as I obediently swallow the pills.

"What happened?" I ask, rubbing my still throbbing head.

She smiles that Ashley Davies smile. The one that makes my breath catch and my heart beat a little faster. She then motions me to come sit on her lap. Who am I to turn down an offer like that? I walk over and sit down and she wraps her arms around my waist, also lacing our fingers.

"Let's just say that you could give Tila Tequila a run for her money, and her name."

She laughs and I immediately am embarrassed.

"Was I really that bad?" I ask shyly.

She begins rubbing the small of my back with her thumb. "No, not really. But I was definitely not letting you go home in that state. So I brought you here. I'm not exactly sure how Cory ended up here, but we'll ask him later."

I glance around the room, still not finding anything familiar.

"Where exactly is 'here'?"

She gives me a mischievous smile and leads me out onto a deck with the most breathtaking view of the ocean that I have ever seen.

"It was supposed to be a surprise but…I bought this place."

I am completely shocked. "What? When?"

"About two weeks ago. I just decided that school's out, and I want my own place. You know, to be by myself, just being myself. That is, unless…you know…if you wanted to maybe move in with me."

She looks so nervous and vulnerable. Which is making her look so extremely cute. But moving in is a very big step and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.

I think she senses my apprehension because she quickly pulls me into her, and as my breath hitches at the contact of our skin she quickly adds, "You don't have to decide right now, I was just throwing it out onto the table."

She quickly pecks me on the lips and leads me over to a set of steps, leading off the deck and to what looks to be some sort of trail.

"I haven't even shown you the best part yet," she says as she darts away from me and sprints up the pathway.

About 10 minutes later I am really regretting not putting shoes on as I slowly approach what seems to be a clearing. Wait a minute! This place looks really familiar!

"Ashley! Where are you?" I look around and see no one. I sit down and begin examining my feet. "Ashley! I'm gonna be getting rocks out of my feet for-"

GRUNT

I am suddenly lying on my back and Ashley is on top of me, attacking my lips. Did I mention that she's only wearing a black lacey bra and matching thong? Yeah, that whole breathing thing just got a whole lot harder to do.

Against my better judgment I break away from our kiss. "What the hell are you doing?" I yell.

"Shut-up," she practically growls as she attacks my collarbone.

Oh my damn. She just said that so fucking sexy. And I am so turned on right now. She is so indescribably hot when she is in control.

She nips all along my collarbone and down and across the tops of my breasts she nips gently while laying soft kisses.

I can't take it anymore as I pull her back up to meet my hungry lips.

After about 5 more solid minutes of tongues massing tongues and hands roaming everywhere, we just lay there panting. Content to just be in each other's presence, with her head laying on my chest and my arm protectively around her waist, we both just lie there listening to the waves crash down below us.

Ashley lifts up her head, staring me in the eyes, as she pushes a stray piece of hair out of my face.

"I love you," she says plainly, stroking my cheek with her thumb.

"I love you too," I reply, giving her a soft, gentle kiss.

"You do realize where we are, right?"

I quickly look around. Of course!

"This is where I first told you that I loved you. This is our spot," she says softly.

We sat up there, watching the ocean and talking for about an hour. On the walk back down to the house I barely even noticed the rocks under my feet because Ashley promised me a foot massage in her hot tub later.

When we got back to the house, we are surprised to find that Cory is gone. After a few minutes of searching, Ashley finds a note on the refrigerator.

Ashley reads it aloud, "Ash, I'm not exactly sure where you and Spencer went but I had to jet. I'm probably in huge trouble with my mom and with Chancey. I had a lot of fun with you two last night. We should hang out more. Call me (Spencer has my number). XOXO, Cory"

Chancey is Cory's girlfriend. She doesn't like me much because Cory still wears his promise ring on a chain, as a necklace. He wears it under his shirt most of the time but she still doesn't like for him to be around me.

I shrug my shoulders, figuring that it makes no difference to me whether Cory is here or not. Walking over to the couch that Cory was previously unconscious on, I begin to think of how much trouble I am in with my mother. I lay down, closing my eyes and massaging my temples. I am so stressed! I am starting college at UCLA soon and hopefully rooming with Ashley; my mom is just now starting to accept that her only daughter is gay; and essentially, my childhood is over. It's time for the real world, and real world problems like bills, taxes, tuition, gas, insurance, jobs, credit cards, relationships, and so much more. All the things swimming around in my head suddenly overwhelm me. I open my eyes and I can't help the tears that easily slide out. I sniffle a little, hoping that Ashley won't notice but she of course does.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She asks very concerned as she quickly walks over and kneels right in front of me, wiping away my tears.

"It's…" I shale my head, sniffle, and smile. It's nothing. I was just thinking about the future a little and it hit me that my childhood is pretty much over now and…" _Sniffle. _"I'm going to have all these responsibilities and…and I don't' know if I'm ready for all of that yet." By the time I'm done talking, I'm looking anywhere but at Ashley. It all just seems so stupid when I say it out loud.

"Spencer?"

I know she is trying to get me to look at her but I'm still a little embarrassed by my pointless speech.

"Spence, baby, please look at me."

There is no way I can say no to that sweet tone she just used. I very shyly look into the most loving pair of eyes that I have ever known.

Ashley takes my hand and gently kisses the tips of all my fingers and then places it right on her chest, over her heart.

"Do you feel that?" She asks softly.

I bite my lip in response.

"Spencer, I promise you that as long as my heart is still beating that you will never have to face anything alone. I promise you that as long as I'm still breathing that every breath I take is for you." She leans in and kisses me softly. "I love you beyond a reason why."

"You stole that from Rihanna!" I yell as I playfully push her.

She laughs. "Well you can't expect me to be totally serious for too long."

I fake offended as I cross my arms and turn away from her. She pulls me off the couch and straddles me as she pins my hands by my sides. After I promise to stop struggling, she let's my hands go and I rest them on her thighs.

"You know that I love you, right?" She asks, staring straight into my eyes.

"Yeah," I reply shyly as a thought creeps into my mind, the same thing that I've been thinking about for a few weeks now. "And I love you too which is why…I mean I think…I've decided…" I trail off, quickly loosing my nerve.

Ashley grabs my hand. "What is it baby? You can tell me anything, you know?"

I take a deep breath. "Iwantyoutobemyfirst."

Her eyes widen as she lets go of my hand and gets off of me, leaning her back against the couch.

"Wow," she says looking like a deer in the headlights.

I really wish I hadn't said anything now. I know I'm a virgin but it shouldn't come as a shock to her. And I know that she went a little crazy in New York with partying, drugs, alcohol, and sex. But I forgave her for that so that shouldn't matter either.

I get up and quickly start looking for my clothes. "You know what, just forget that I said anything. I mean what was I thinking? It's stupid and I'm stupid for asking so just forget about it. It's getting kind of late, not really, it's only like 6:00 but still I should go. My mom will be worried and I'll be in a lot of trouble so I'm just gonna go." I think I said all of that in like 3 seconds but in that time I'm now wearing my shirt, my skirt, and one shoe. If only I could find that other shoe! AH HA! I start to reach for it when I feel two arms reach around my waist from behind me and Ashley's hot breath is in my ear. I close my eyes as tingles run up and down my spine.

"Please don't leave," she whispers.

I drop my head feeling a little defeated. "Ashley, I feel like an idiot. Please let me go." I'm practically begging now.

"Never. Not now, not ever,"

She turns me around to face her.

"Look, it's not that I don't want to, it's just that…your first time is one of the most important things that you will ever experience. Once it's done, it's done and you will never be able to change it. I was just a little surprised, that's all."

She looks me dead in the eyes.

"Are you sure you want it to be with me?"

I take a minute to seriously think it over.

"I'm sure." I smile from ear to ear.

"Okay," she says shaking her head as to say yes.

She then takes my hand and starts to lead me up a staircase and to what I'm assuming is her room. Somewhere along the way I kicked off my shoe because having only one shoe on felt weird. As soon as she opened the door to the room I gasped at the AMAZING view of the ocean. She simply let go of my hand and shut the door behind us as I kept walking and marveling at the expanse of the room. I turn slowly in circles, trying to take in as much of the room as I can.

"Ashley, this is amazi-"

Her lips cut me off as she slowly walks me backwards until we fall onto the bed. She quickly settles on top of me as she runs her tongue back and forth across my bottom lip. I very willingly open my mouth and her tongue is quickly massaging my own. She runs her left hand up and down my side while her right cradles my face. Suddenly I feel both of her hands on the bare skin of my waist.

She breaks our very heated kiss and looks into my eyes, asking if she can remove my shirt. I smile and then feel the garment slowly sliding up until it goes over my head and is thrown into some odd corner of the room. Ashley moves down my body a little, laying kisses as she goes until she gets to my stomach where she nips and licks all over. My muscles flex at her actions. Then she's back up at my mouth as we share a few more kisses until she pull back again, this time looking at my breasts and the way her eyes change colors makes my center throb with want. She looks into my eyes again asking to remove it. I answer by reaching behind my back and unhooking it myself. She puts her hands on the straps, slowly sliding them down as she gently bites down on my bare shoulder.

"Oh Ashley!" I moan out for the first time.

When my whole torso is fully exposed to her she looks at my breasts and bites her lip, making me extremely wet.

"You are so beautiful," she says staring into my eyes for a moment.

She reaches out and touches the left one, gently squeezing it, while she settles her mouth over my right nipple. I close my eyes at the new sensation. She first circles her tongue around it, making it increasingly harder and me increasingly wetter. While still massaging and kneading my left breast she bites down on the hard bud of my right. I inhale sharply.

After running her tongue over it a few more times she switches breasts, doing the same to the left as she did to the right. I moan and gasp continuously. I then, rather shakily, reach back and unhook her bra. She sits up and lets it fall off; it's then thrown to the floor. I suddenly feel very nervous and begin to shake a little.

"It's okay," she tries to reassure me as she takes my hand and places it firmly on her right breast.

She closes her eyes and bites her lip at the touch. With a little more confidence I flip us over so that I'm now on top of her. She tangles her hands in my hair as I imitate what she did to me. I think she likes it because she is moaning and sighing periodically. After I'm done doing what she did to me she flips us back over and takes control again.

Once again she looks into my eyes while her hand is waiting on the button of my skirt. I shake my head a little, granting her permission. She undoes the button quickly but slides the zipper down slowly. When it is finally down she helps me shake it off my legs. She bites the tops and insides of my thighs a few times but then looks longingly at my underwear. For the last time I grant her permission to remove my last article of clothing. But before she could do anything I was tugging her thong of. I pulled her back up so that we were face to face.

This was it. We were both completely naked with each other. Emotionally and physically. Skin on skin. Heart to heart.

I looked at her beautiful face and into her deep never-ending eyes and could truly see the love in them.

This moment. This moment right here is now a frozen moment in time, burned into my mind forever. It's sheer poetry. Just as I know that the sun will rise every morning I know that my love for her will never fade, never be blown away even by the strongest winds, never be changed by the seasons, and never be tainted by time. I can't help but to let a single tear slide down my face.

Ashley doesn't freak out, she simply kisses it away. Then she leans up and lays a gentle kiss on my forehead. Next she softly lays a single kiss on my lips.

"I love you," she says plainly, resting her forehead on mine.

"I love you too. And I trust you completely," I say as she raises her head to look me in the eyes.

"This might hurt a little bit, okay baby?"

"Okay," I reply.

She moves her hand down and just cups my center for a minute, rubbing back and forth to let me get used to the feeling.

"Can you look at me Spencer?"

With my eyes trained on hers, she enters me with two fingers. My eyes immediately slam closed. I moan so loudly, I almost don't believe that it was me, half from pain and half from pleasure. The fingers then start moving out and back in, in a sort of rhythm. My hips take a mind of their own as they lift up to meet the fingers each time. My eyes are open now watching Ashley work.

With each thrust she seems to be getting deeper and deeper.

It feels SOOO GOOD!

"Ashley!" I scream out, not knowing exactly where that came from.

My fingers scratch their way across her back, making her moan. I then tangle my hands in her hair as all my muscles begin to tense up. Her pace quickens and my eyes close at the feeling of my muscles seeming to all contract at once.

"So…Close!!" I moan out.

"Spence, open your…eyes. I want to…watch you," Ashley pants out.

I fight the urge to keep my eyes closed and fixate on the brown orbs staring at my blue ones.

When it seems that my muscles can't possibly tense up anymore, I feel Ashley curl her fingers inside me.

I screamed the loudest I think I have ever screamed in my entire life.

All my muscles relaxed at once and my body was shuddering. Ashley held me until my quaking was done and then removed her fingers and laid down beside me panting.

I felt completely exhausted. I took all the energy I had left and breathed out, "I love you." It was so quiet that I doubt she even heard it.

She leaned over and kissed me. "I love you too."

Then we were both unconscious. It was the best sleep of my life. When I woke up I could see the sun rising over the ocean outside. I am currently facing a still sleeping Ashley who has me firmly pressed against her still naked frame. I just stare at her face, memorizing her every feature. Every curve of her face, her flawless skin, and the peaceful look on her face.

She is by far the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen.

I have never felt this way about anyone in my entire life. I love everything about her. There is absolutely nothing I would change. She's perfect.

I just laid there studying her for about an hour before she woke up.

"Hey," I say shyly as a blush creeps its way onto my cheeks.

"Hey," she says sleepily. "How long have you been awake?"

I smile. "About an hour, give or take a little."

"You should've woken me up," she says a little more alert now.

"It's okay. Besides, I like watching you sleep. Not like in a stalkery way though, I just mean that…you know, like…"

She laughs, tightening her grip on my waist.

"I get it."

"Yeah…" I say, feeling a tad bit stupid.

A few minutes of silence pass until Ashley decides to break it.

"So, about last night…are you okay with everything that happened? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

She begins rubbing circles on my lower back.

"Last night…" I begin, "Last night was…Perfect. You were perfect. You are perfect. And you could never hurt me."

She absolutely glows at my answer.

* * *

For the rest of the day we just laid together. We talked and laughed about everything and anything. Just being in each other's presence was enough for both of us.

Being with Ashley is the closest to Heaven that I have ever been. She is an angel. She is my angel. I don't care about how much trouble I'm in with my mother, I'm not letting her take this from me.

I don't care what she thinks and I don't care what anyone else thinks. None of it matters. Not the people around me, not the obstacles and challenges in my life, not anything in the world. She is the only thing that matters.

Ashley Davies is all that matters and with her by my side I know that I can conquer anything that the world may throw at me.

So bring it on…

**:Waves checkered flag:**

**I am sad to say but...That's all folks. Please let me know what you think. Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Feedback is a wonderful thing! Thank you to all of you who stayed with me the whole way through this story. It really means a lot to me. But I do have a few questions for y'all. About my next story, do you want it from Spencer's POV or Ashley's? Or do you want me to switch POV's? Also, I think I'm going to have more characters next time so that I'm not constantly focused on Spashley the WHOLE time. What do you think about that?**

**:Puts down flag and salutes:**


End file.
